Narrative Therapy at Heathwell

What is Narrative Therapy

The stories we tell about ourselves influence what we expect, how we relate to others and what we believe is possible. Repeated criticism might lead someone to believe they are inadequate. Difficult relationships can leave a person questioning whether they are lovable or able to trust their own judgement.

Narrative therapy explores how these understandings develop and whether they fully represent your experience. Developed by Michael White and David Epston, it considers how relationships, family expectations, culture and wider social messages shape the meanings we give our lives.

It can be used with individuals, couples, families, children and young people, depending on the practitioner’s training and experience.

When a story becomes limiting

A familiar description can begin to feel like an unquestionable fact. “I struggle in some situations” becomes “There is something wrong with me.” A couple’s recurring disagreements become evidence that “We have never been good together.”

These conclusions can influence which experiences we notice. Someone who sees themselves as weak may overlook the courage involved in leaving a harmful relationship. A person who believes they always disappoint others may struggle to recognise the care they give.

Narrative therapy examines where these descriptions came from, whose perspectives shaped them and what they leave out. It makes room for a fuller account that acknowledges difficulties alongside your responses, abilities and values.

Separating your identity from the problem

A central principle of narrative therapy is that a person is more than the problem they are experiencing. This is often called “externalising.”

For example, instead of treating anxiety as a defining personal characteristic, the approach explores how anxiety affects your decisions and relationships, when its influence is strongest and how you already respond to it. This can make the difficulty easier to examine and reduce the shame attached to it.

The same principle can be useful in relationships. Descriptions such as “the selfish partner” or “the difficult child” can obscure what is happening. Looking more closely at patterns and circumstances creates room for understanding and change, while preserving responsibility for harmful behaviour.

Recognising other possibilities

Narrative therapy pays attention to experiences that do not fit the dominant story. Someone who believes they never speak up may have challenged an unfair decision. Partners who feel unable to communicate may recall a conversation in which they listened and understood each other.

Exploring these moments helps identify what made them possible and what they reveal about the person’s priorities, relationships and capabilities. They provide a basis for considering different choices.

The approach also questions expectations absorbed from family, culture and society. Ideas about gender, success, parenting or belonging may contribute to distress, particularly when they conflict with your needs or identity.

Why choose narrative therapy?

Narrative therapy may appeal if you feel defined by a painful experience, diagnosis, family role or someone else’s judgement. It offers a collaborative way to question restrictive descriptions and develop an understanding of yourself that feels more complete.

Reasons for seeking it can include:

Feeling trapped in labels such as “the difficult one” or “the failure.”
Losing trust in your judgement after criticism or control.
Struggling with identity after separation, illness or loss.
Conflict between personal values and family expectations.
Relationship difficulties dominated by blame or fixed assumptions.
Shame about how your life compares with what you expected.
Anxiety or low mood connected with negative beliefs about yourself.
Narcissistic abuse recovery, including rebuilding trust in yourself after manipulation, gaslighting and repeated criticism.

For couples and families, narrative therapy can help explore how stories about each other maintain conflict. For children and young people, it can offer ways to understand difficulties without making them central to their identity.